"Hi everyone!
Have any of you done the "_______" study from
_______? We're doing it on Wed nights at our church and I have to say... in spite of my general hatred of all things prophetic, I'm actually ENJOYING it and getting a lot out of it.... I'm also the resident cynic, taking notes about what he says and then deciding if he has proved each point or not. *guilty grin* Surprisingly... he seems to have proven almost everything so far!!!!"
Part of one reply I received shocked me so much! Person X said, among other things:
"Make sure you still remember that the Lord gets sweeter every single day and you dont need to question verything....study it, dig into it, but be careful "questioning" go find some thing wrong. It is like given the devil an opportunity for a strong hold on you. "
I also received other replies, hinting that I was rebelling against my pastor, didn't believe in the Bible, etc...
I have to admit that this drama has hurt me... not only do I wish I'd never spoken, but I feel like I've crossed a line I can never come back from... I'll never be seen the same again. I feel unforgiveable. I've been on this e-mail list for almost 10 years... we've laughed together, cried together, prayed together, studied the Bible together, heck, I've even driven to meet different people from the list in real life! We even had an official group meeting and church service once.
I don't know what to do... this list has been my security blanket... my one thing that reminds me that no matter how bad I've screwed up my spiritual walk, I'm working my way back. And now I've been too bad, and lost them... I wish someone would just for once decide to help me up, instead of walking away in disgust when they see me down.
6 comments:
*sigh*
So sorry Jana.
If it makes any difference, I think God WANTS us to question, to dig deep, to play the "devil's advocate" instead of "obeying" blindly. To me, that's not obedience at all, it's just a habit.
God isn't afraid of our questions, but it's another story with human beings. Even I am uncomfortable sometimes with some questions because I just don't have the answers.
But we all have to come to the point where we're either satisfied with an answer or not knowing. And that point is different for each of us.
I think God doesnt care one way or another, if we question or don't. God is not human, God does not sit around going, 'HEY that woman has QUESTIONED MY BIBLE'
This life is not a test, its an experience. Some will experience FEAR. Fear of everything. Cant even love God without being afraid that God will not love them for asking a question! Arent we Gods children? Would you get mad at your child for asking a question, or too many? No, you would simply answer as best you could and move on, and if the child was troubled too much by the answer you would redirect the child to something fun, something to take their mind off it. And if they kept asking, you would find new ways to answer and help them on their quest, you wouldnt banish them to an orphanage! YOU have not screwed up your spiritual walk, as there is no such thing. To God you are walking JUST FINE!
The reason these people are upset at the questions, is that they dont have the answer. Instead of telling you "honestly I dont know..." They would rather tell you that you are wrong to question.
I lost a best friend because something terrible happened to me and she could not figure out why God would punish me like that, and so rather than stick around and be my friend, she left. She was too worried that God would be upset that she was my friend. Imagine that. God is probably in heaven looking down going, "for crying out loud woman, go hold her hand!"
So filled with fear, she could not.
Will encouragement from a stranger help? (I came across your blog after nancy posted a supportive comment on my wife's blog and want to "return" the favor.) I fully believe God welcomes our questions and loves it that we do question. Questions - and doubts - can lead to a deeper understanding a deeper faith and a closer relationship with God. I find it helpful to think of it as God wrestling - and remember God blessed Isaac after Isaac wrestled with God. I am saddened to hear your questions have lost you some support, but I hope you keep questioning because I believe you will get back in your relationship with God more than you lost.
I'm tempering my comment, after an additional train of thought. I came across your blog because I was thinking about (googling) the idea of fragile faith. But I came across Heb.12:1 (again), and was reminded that Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith, and we're encouraged there to "fix our eyes on Jesus..." You cannot talk about fragile faith without talking about the author of it.
So here's encouragement from yet another stranger: fix your eyes on Jesus, and run with perseverance. He's marked out the race for you, and some of us have immensely difficult and trying courses to run, yet we can all trust that he gave us our faith and will perfect it.
Best regards, Phil
Jana, I'm with MJ and Nancy. And - if 'tolerance' is not really and fundamentally part of the group you're part of, It's not God I'd be worrying about questioning - but the people you're with. God LOVES! Which means that, like a parent, he is not threatened by questions. How faithful can blind faith be. That only leaves people open to all sorts of ego maniacs who don't preach the real word of God at all.
Faith dearie - this is surely a wee test for you... and maybe it's time to find God's comfort within.
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