Ask Me No Questions

A while back, I posted a question on an e-mail group I'm on... a question I thought was innocent enough, but evidently not. (Names withheld) I asked:

"Hi everyone!

Have any of you done the "_______" study from
_______? We're doing it on Wed nights at our church and I have to say... in spite of my general hatred of all things prophetic, I'm actually ENJOYING it and getting a lot out of it.... I'm also the resident cynic, taking notes about what he says and then deciding if he has proved each point or not. *guilty grin* Surprisingly... he seems to have proven almost everything so far!!!!"

Part of one reply I received shocked me so much! Person X said, among other things:

"Make sure you still remember that the Lord gets sweeter every single day and you dont need to question verything....study it, dig into it, but be careful "questioning" go find some thing wrong. It is like given the devil an opportunity for a strong hold on you. "

I also received other replies, hinting that I was rebelling against my pastor, didn't believe in the Bible, etc...

I have to admit that this drama has hurt me... not only do I wish I'd never spoken, but I feel like I've crossed a line I can never come back from... I'll never be seen the same again. I feel unforgiveable. I've been on this e-mail list for almost 10 years... we've laughed together, cried together, prayed together, studied the Bible together, heck, I've even driven to meet different people from the list in real life! We even had an official group meeting and church service once.

I don't know what to do... this list has been my security blanket... my one thing that reminds me that no matter how bad I've screwed up my spiritual walk, I'm working my way back. And now I've been too bad, and lost them... I wish someone would just for once decide to help me up, instead of walking away in disgust when they see me down.

The Alabaster Box

You might have already heard about the woman with the Alabaster box, or maybe you haven't. Her story is found in Luke 7:36-50, but I'll give an overview here. Jesus had been invited to eat at the house of a hoity-toity man (Lucky him. *eye roll*) They'd just gotten seated at the table for their meal, when their meal was rudely interupted by "a woman who had lived a sinful life." She didn't come in to seduce the men, or to convince them to sin like her....

She threw herself at Jesus's feet, and began to weep. She washed his feet with her tears, dried them with her hair, and began to kiss them and anoint them with perfume she brought in a box made out of alabaster. She is the greatest example of humility I've ever seen...

The other men in the room began to mutter and become offended. They doubted his power, because he let a woman so sinful touch him. I mean, if he were so powerful, wouldn't he have KNOWN she was a sinner?

Jesus began to compare Simon the Pharasee (the hoity-toity who'd invited him to eat there) to this woman.

Simon, you didn't even give me some water to rinse my feet off with when I entered your house. This woman wept at my feet, and washed my feet with her TEARS.
You did not give me the customary greeting of a kiss, but this woman will not quit kissing MY FEET.
You did not put oil on my head, but this woman poured her perfume ON MY FEET.

Jesus explained that he forgave her... she had done many things wrong, but that didn't make her trash to him... it made her someone who would love him that much deeper, because so much had been forgiven. Simon, on the other hand, did not see his sin... he considered himself having done so little wrong, that forgiveness meant next to nothing to him.

Psalm 51:17 says: "The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise."

I think Simon must not have read that verse lol He was so caught up in being "holy" by obeying rules, that he missed the heart of God.

A wierd note that I found today, that brought this scripture to my mind: Alabaster (what her perfume container was made out of), comes from either calcite or gypsum, both of which come from CAVES. You can see a picture of a gypsum formation here.

Decisions, Decisions

Sometimes, for some people, life seems so uncomplicated. But for me, for my life, Christian living is anything but uncomplicated. Take my day tomorrow:

Tomorrow is a Sunday. Good Christians will be at church, right? So therefore, to be a good Christian, I should be at church too, right?

Yeah, that's the easy answer.

My best friend's dad just passed away, and she asked me to stay with her tonight. Unfortunately, James's car has expired plates, so we are down to one car again. Kim lives 30 minutes from the church, so we can't exactly hitch a ride... and because James will have to drive to Kim's house to pick me up after he gets off work, and then drive us both back to church for the evening church... we won't be able to make that one until it's almost over too.

I'm caught in a trap... Either I miss church completely, to be a Christian to my closest friend and be there for her when she needs me, or I desert my friend in order to be able to say I'm a good Christian. Either way, someone will see me as a failure... Either way, I'll be doing something wrong.

Which is more right? To obey the letter of the law (which some would say the verse about not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together refers to not missing church), or to obey the spirit of the law (to show love to a friend when she most needs it)?

I'm packing my bags for Kim's house, believing that God has a plan.

Protection

Today, I found out that God saved my friend Kim's life. Kim and her step-dad were driving to work, when someone attempted to carjack them at gunpoint. (They later found out that the person was running from the cops after being caught in a truck full of crystal meth.) The man ran into their car (with his body) two or three times, and then Kim's step-dad drove off the guy pointed the gun at them but was so out of it from the drugs that he didn't fire.

I really believe that God is protecting my Kim. We get on each other's nerves but she is my soul sister and I'm so glad that God is showing Kim slowly but surely how much he cares for HER... not just for her because she is her son's mama, but because she is KIM. Because she is someone that God loves and values just for who she is.

I feel like crying and just worshiping God a while.