Lost
My soul looks for it's home
In a new and frightning land
Millions of miles away
From the comfy niche it once called home
Some days, I really struggle with my faith. Today is definately one of them.
I've done a lot of changing in my life in the recent past... and I'm not sure how to integrate the beliefs I hold, into the person I've become.
Two years ago, I was a Spiritual Perfectionist, working my tail off for my spiritually-abusive pastor in an attempt to please God. I was deeply self-righteous (look at all the stuff I DO!) and had dramatic highs and lows in my spiritual life. I was also at my wits end... trying so hard, accomplishing so little, and driving myself into the ground.
Today, I have a new church, and a totally different pastor. I "do" a lot less, but am having the same results! I'm learning what "grace" is, and how it can actually work in my life. My spiritual life is no longer a roller coaster of highs and lows, but a steady walk.
So now I'm looking for a place in the world for the soul of the new Jana. I stand here, looking for direction. What is the purpose of my soul? What is the purpose God created me for?
Where am I at, and where do I go from here?
1 comment:
"Two years ago, I was a Spiritual Perfectionist, working my tail off for my spiritually-abusive pastor in an attempt to please God. I was deeply self-righteous (look at all the stuff I DO!) and had dramatic highs and lows in my spiritual life. I was also at my wits end... trying so hard, accomplishing so little, and driving myself into the ground." - this was me a few years ago. Working so hard and always feeling like I was failing myself and the Lord. It was so discouraging. There was no way I was EVER going to get into heaven, the way I wasn't perfect all the time. So, I quit. But the Lord found me. :-) It's still a journey, but I understand much more about grace, now.
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